Pee Pee

 Cycling in the spare room

Hmm, it's fair to say, perhaps I won't be blogging every day... I have definitely underestimated how much blogging time I have in a day.  The family and I are going to a party tonight.  Because of this rare occurrence, the dogs had to be walked this morning, then there was shopping, then cardio and abs, now blogging before racing off to get ready in the ten minutes I will have spare.

Anyway, that's not what I wanted to talk about today.  You know, once upon a time, my passion was running.  I was absolutely rubbish at it, but it was blissful to take off several times a week and be completely alone.  I think any mother would understand this.  I don't run anymore though, partly because my ankles and feet are the worst affected joints from rheumatoid arthritis but also because of my....ahem.... "pee pee problem".

I've had two kids, they've pretty much grown up now, but what I have left is an extremely weak bladder.  I really want to talk about this, because it can be such a thing of shame and embarrassment, despite being very, very common.  

My bladder problems have waxed and waned over the years, physiotherapy has given me great results in the past, there are products that can help, for example, Contiform ( this isn't a paid link...I really do use this.)  This past year or so, things have gotten much worse because I've gained a lot of weight.  

The worst thing about incontinence is how it affects so many areas of life.  It affects how far away from a toilet I am willing to stray, it affects how much water I drink if I'm away from the house, it affects my movement- no running, no jumping.  Sometimes I think, incontinence is just as debilitating as Rheumatoid arthritis.

I worry that it will stop me experiencing the best of life.  I've toyed with the idea of entering bodybuilding competitions in the past.  I am just so curious to know if my body could transform so dramatically.  At the moment, I don't think it can happen.  I don't think I'll be able to lift heavily enough to really make the gains. 

This isn't a certainty though...to be honest, I just don't know what I can and can't achieve.  I'm just going to keep that little dream ember burning and tuck it away deep in my psyche. It's important to dream the impossible.